It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
