i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
