I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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