I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This is classic penis vs brain.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
