Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm sobbing to NWA
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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