Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
