Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize
