I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
