you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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