Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
