Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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