I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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