Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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