God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
