well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
