i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
