we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
