I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
