just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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