i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
