We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
