I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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