you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
