my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
