Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
