i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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