Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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