I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
