I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
