as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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