i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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