My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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