i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
