so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
