The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
