Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
