I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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