Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my sisters under your porch take her home
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
