I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
