Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
