the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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