I can text with my tongue
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
