Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
