I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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