my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
