hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
