I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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