at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
