So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
