Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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