Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
