Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
