he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
