Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
