Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
