But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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