We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
