apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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