How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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